Barley, Hops and the Hill

This week’s outing was all chalk full of lessons one should take in.  The first lesson: If one wishes to attend BHH in one piece, wear a helmet while speeding down Fremont Ave in the rain.  Take that one to heart.

Now I must thank all the Hoppers who took to the bars on Saturday after a schedule change.  Big props to Duff, Susie, Sarah, Justin, Katy, Catherine, Hart, Jenny, Micah, Wendy, John, Carl-Erich, Paige, Meghan, Emily, Jeff, Jarrod, and others.  There were seriously a lot of you.  Holy be-jesus.  We went to the always exciting Stumbling Monk, The Elite, Taco Gringos, and, sadly, the Crescent.

The Stumbling Monk  is nestled on the corner of Boylston and Olive.  The lesson we all took away from here is that one really can look at the Dictionary at a bar and have fun doing it.  Oh, and that Hart is a big, big dork.

Entering The Stumbling Monk one is struck by how dark it is at 8 PM in June.  Maybe it was the black floors or the dark wood booths with abnormally small tables.  There are a few large table with plenty of seating to allow a big group to get cozy.  Enveloping the door is a tall book shelf spilling over with classic board games such as Scrabble and, the always popular, Star Wars Trivial Pursuit (what?!).  The walls were lined with kegs which could serve as extra seating, although I don’t think that is what they were intended for.  One wall is wallpapered with really well decorated coasters thanks to many doodling patrons.  I wanted to sketch something but was greatly intimidated by the talent.  A bar runs along the right-hand wall for about 3/4 of it and the “stoic” tender gets ready to serve you anything from the abundant beer collection.  Responsible DD, Jarrod, was very happy with the soda selection.  

 Hill Hopper Justin loved the “informative bartender who helps navigate the extensive Belgian beer list.” You tell the bartender what sort of beer you like and he doesn’t even hesitate to suggest at least two beers that aren’t what you want, but what you need in your life. Hopper Carl-Erich admitted “It’s like I died and went to beer heaven and didn’t have enough money.  This is where I hope to go when I die…If they had scotch I’d never leave.”  The bartender guided one stout drinker to the mind-blowing find of Ten-Fiddy from Oskar Blues Grill and Brewery in Lyon, CO.  Out of the can the stout got rave reviews from our crowd.  One can only imagine its awesomeness from a keg…

There are a few odd pieces to the Monk.  First, Hopper Jenny was struck by the fact that the place did smell like a pool.  Maybe that’s what Belgium smells like?  Hoppers made the very mature assessment that the bathroom ceiling looks like a vagina.  Pictures coming soon.  If Hopper Emily knew that ahead of time she probably would not have taken her parents there when they visited. The place is dark, the furniture is a bit odd and the place smells funny.  But, man, that beer….

Judgings:

Booths: 1 Star (What the heck is up with the tables?)

Beer: 5 Stars

Bartender: 4 Stars (Could have been taller)

Lighting: 2 Stars (take ugly dates here)

Watching Duff Wallop Susie at Scrabble: Priceless

After The Stumbling Monk we lost some folks to concerts and other commitments but the strong ones pushed on to The Elite.  I know, it sounds exciting, doesn’t it?  History factoid: The Elite is Seattle’s oldest gay bar.  The Elite is at 1520 Olive, across from Clever Dunnes Irish Pub.  Walking through the glass front door you are immediately met by the compact bar RIGHT THERE.  The walls are a bright salmon and green and the lighting was refreshing after The Stumbling Monk.  Hopper Wendy was not so down with the colors and Hopper Justin agreed.  ”Poor paint job – looks like something you would consult a gay about, ironically”.  The front room by the bar had a number of bodies in it, especially by the front display window tables.  Down a few steps in back you had a bigger room with a pool table in the center and then a smaller room attached to that with comfy seating and a TV.  

We were greeted at the bar with the fantastic Ryan.  The man had energy and was ready to have some fun with drinks.  I said tequila and he said pomegranate margarita.  Hopper Jenny was shot down for her Dark and Stormy and has learned to no longer ask for that. She went for the pomegranate martini.  They do have beer but it is the regular assortment.  Nothing to write home about.  

The Hoppers grabbed the pool table with no problem but soon pissed off some folks with, well, the lack of skill harnessed by Jenny, Susie and myself.  Lesson learned: NEVER have one of us on your team. The lack of seating in the room with the pool table clearly was a terrible choice and we stood around for a long stretch of time.  

Hopper Susie gives us a peak into her tipsy thoughts, “Ok.  The Elite. Stunning.  Ryan-the bartender- was fantastic – took very good care of me. See? So friendly.  LOVED the women’s/staff bathrooms.  OK.  All done now.”  Thanks Susie for your eloquence and all the slashes.

Judgings:

Decor: 2 Stars (Egyptians, and lions, oh my!)

Bartender: 4 Stars

Bartender Name: 3 Stars (not original enough)

Crowd: 3 Stars (Not too many folks.  ”Boy Toy” shirts were spotted.)

So, Ryan got me a bit tipsy and I pretty much stumbled next door with the Hoppers to Taco Gringos for, you guessed it, tacos.  We got cheap tacos which are clearly the best ones on Capitol Hill.  The two owners work late into the night making their tacos themselves for all you alcoholed folks.  Two lessons were learned here.  First, rabbit tacos are FANTASTIC!  Second, take permanent markers away from me when I’m under the influence.  Check out Taco Gringos at 1510 Olive Way.  

The last stop on the tour was The Crescent.  Looking at the index cards right now, one learns that we were too tipsy at Crescent to write anything down about it.  Oh well.  The Crescent (1413 Olive Way) is, as Hopper Duff has described it, a shady tranny bar.  They have karaoke always which is good or bad depending how you look at it.  On Saturday night it was NOT a good thing.  The late night crowd couldn’t be described so much as melodious as they were just wailing into the mic.  The good thing is that the crowd will cheer you on, no matter the fact that Roseanne Barr could have done it better.

From the outside The Crescent looks like a sports bar with its painted wood panel exterior and neon lights.  Entering one immediately understands the difficulties sardines endure.  The place is a tight squeeze.  That is not so much the fact that so many folks have flooded in to sing as it is that the bar is a huge island in the middle of the room which leaves standing space very limited.  We won’t get into the concoction the bartender cooked up.  If you like basic beers or the drinks we drank in college then go here.  

Pretty much the Hopper’s didn’t have much good stuff to say about The Crescent.  Lesson learned: You don’t ever have to go to The Crescent.  Just don’t.

Judgings:

I’m hate being so negative so I’m not even going to do this part.

Thanks to everyone who came out.  It was an absolute blast.  It was an educational outing to say the least.  

Next Stop: 7 PM June 13th we’ll be starting at Smith and will be going to the Cantebury and Hopvine.