Nuggets of Knowledge
Let’s talk bars.
I don’t know if I can outright call that owners of Joe Bar liars, but I certainly felt misled and, thus, forced to drink there. It was 6:30 on a Friday night and I was standing at the counter of a creperie. Don’t get me wrong, I love crepes. I love coffee (which is where the whole Joe part of the name comes from). But, damn it, I wanted a bar. They carried three different beers by Unibroue, from Canada, including the popular La Fin Du Monde (The End of the World). Also in the case was Red Stripe, a few different beers by Pike Place Brewery and a couple I did not know. Wine is also a choice for those looking to have something to compliment a sweet crepe of nutella and banana. For those who might not think it through, they could end up with La Fin Du Monde which does not go well with that tasty crepe. Next time…
The “bar” itself is adorable. The counter is tucked under the cover of a petite loft that fits only a few tables. The storefront is a large window with metal panes and a black cloth awning standing out to protect small cafe tables on the sidewalk. A large oak tree stands right outside on the tree belt with its great green leaves hanging low and across the street is the brick front of the Harvard Exit Theatre. Sitting, looking out the front one might forget they are in Seattle and drift to the streets of Paris. 
Since I flew solo to this one you only got my thoughts. Unless you want to hear that Megan said “…it’s all the pretty people who just dropped their kids off at Montessori. They are 30-somethings who are just too cool.”
Judgings:
Name: 0 Stars
Beer Selection: 3 Stars
Ambiance: 4 Stars
Crepes: 5 Stars
Next stop: Linda’s Tavern. No longer solo, I have for you input from a whole slew of people. In comparing Linda’s to Bill’s Off Broadway, Hopper Kirsten said, “She’s Bills more popular sister. She’s hot, she has black hair and many tattoos.” Very true. You walk into Linda’s at any hour of the night and the place is already packed. ”It’s an art to score a table,” says KV and it’s true. We kept trying to upgrade to something bigger and each time we did we got a new waitress who always had black hair and tattoos. Uniform? The lighting is more yellow, orange on the wood walls and booths and also falling on the stuffed heads of various animals. The people watching is a blast as just about every twenty-something in Capitol Hill stumbles in for a drink.
As our party grew we moved to the back deck (“Who knew they had a back deck?!” – Susie) we sat on our jackets and stared at the paint by numbers mural on the back wall. Rumor has it, in the summer, they show movies outside. The conversation got loud and embarrassing for some, we talked to and about other patrons and kept putting off our eventual departure. It’s just too damn fun at Linda’s. ”It’s home of lewd conversation and delicious brews. Always a crowd pleaser,” raved Hopper Susie.
As example of lewd conversation, here’s Hopper Duff’s nugget of knowledge:”You know what helps warm you up on a cold night? Vaginal intercourse.” Thanks for your wisdom, sir.
Visitor Cori ‘from Denver, baby!’ had nothing but good things to say, too. “The bartenders are really, really friendly and sarcastically funny.” Kelsey drew a picture of a hippo standing on a person and drew an arrow to the decapitated head, labeling it Linda’s. I have no idea what the hell that means. You can interpret that one.
Judgings:
Ambiance: 5 Stars (casually comfortable)
The Outside Business: 5 Stars
Servers: 4 Stars
Bartenders: 4 Stars
Beer Selection: 4 Stars
Bathroom: 2 Stars (well lit, had tp, too small)
The only thing that could pry the Hoppers from Linda’s was a text saying that fellow Hoppers were at Redwood. Like the wind we were out the door. Faster than you can say ‘hipster’ we were at the counter of Redwood. Standing at that bar one quickly realizes that this might be Capitol Hill’s best kept secret. There is a mural of a large grizzly in the center of the room, an old rifle sits above the bar and the lamps that hang low are made from antlers. A few arcade games sit in a back corner under the watchful eye of a huge stuffed moose head.
Hopper Jenny quickly reminded us to stay focused and ask for a specialty. The bartender, who clearly was having a busy night, made us bourbon and sweet tea. Now, I’ve never been a bourbon girl. Usually I avoid the stuff like conversations about sex with my mom. There was just something magical about that drink, though. The bourbon was strong but the sweetness of the tea helped balance it and make it slip right down with no problem. Take the slice of lemon they give you and squeeze that sucker dry to make it a little more special. Jenny is on a mission to find a good Dark and Stormy and found out that Redwood is “yet another bar incapable of concocting a Dark and Stormy. They tried but failed.” We saw a few mason jars going around and apparently they usually use those for some drinks. There were indeed pint glasses but the few Hoppers who went for beer ended up with, um, red Solo cups. Visiting Hopper Cori said, “Eh, red plastic cups make me feel like I’m at a frat party. The bathroom is gross. There’s a puddle of what looks like pee.” But apparently there’s something fascinatingin the corner of the bathroom. Didn’t see it but you should see for yourself.
Hoppers Sarah, Justin and Katy could not stop gushing about the place. Justin said,” A new fave! Love the scruffy guys in designer jeans. It does an Alaskan proud. Sweet tea and bourbon is awesome. Fries smell dandy and so are the guys. The Bartenders = so-so (not very enthusiastic).” Sarah felt like she was back in Iowa (and was ECSTATIC to see a Hawkeye’s banner). Visiting Hopper Sara (in from Philly) liked that it was not super crowded and had a good atmosphere.
So, sweet tea and bourbon is great. Watch out if they are running low on cups or, well, you’ll have flashbacks to those frat parties. Maybe avoid the unisex bathroom. Puddles? Yuck. Lastly, Redwood rocks, despite its flaws. ”It’s divy without the seedy people” (Katy). Gotta love that.
Judgings:
Ambiance: 5 Stars
Bartenders: 2 Stars
Drinks: 2.5 Stars
Decor: Amazing!
Bathroom: Sketchy
Thanks to everyone who came to Round 2. The Hill Hoppers were…Kirsten, Kelsey, Duff, Justin, Sarah, Jenny, Micah, Sara, Cori, Sonia, Katy, and Mindy. Next week there is no Barley, Hops and the Hill but we will all be at Office Nomads (1617 Boylston Ave) for the 6 month celebration open house on Friday night.
Stay tuned for Round 3.
Announcing Round 2
Cocktails and Doritos!
Maybe the fact that I dreamed about bar hopping gives you a clue as to how AWESOME kick-off went for the Hoppers last night. I first have to thank everyone who came out and made it a success. The Hill Hoppers were: Duff, Carl-Erich, Paige, Cleo, Jaimie, Jared, Shannon, Kirsten, Megan, Karen, Bobby, Justin, Dan, Tyler, Matt, Johnny and I probably forgot a few. In my head I figured we’d go to Grey, Purr and Barca and call it a night. Turns out, with our powers combined, we are unstoppable drinking forces. The final tally for the night? 5. We started at Grey, moved on the Purr, skipped down to Maharaja, meandered over to Bimbo’s and then stumbled into Moe Bar.
Grey Gallery and Lounge: Walking into Grey on the hot day that was Friday, I thought for a moment that this was a mistake. The heat inside was just about as unbearable as it was outside in the sun, and there didn’t seem to be much of a way to escape it. I ran to the bar hoping a cool beer would make it better and was presented with the choice of three Maritimes to choose from and I went with the Nightwatch Dark Amber. The fact that I had only 3 beers to pick from made me immediately judge them negatively.
Then Duff came in and the whole story changed. ”The bartender here is amazing! You have to order a cocktail from him.” Duff ordered a Dark and Stormy (dark rum and ginger beer). I finished my beer and asked Randall, our fantastic mixologist, what he suggested with tequila and the man made me an El Diablo which changed my entire view of Grey. Paige stepped up and ordered a drink Randall has made up, the Cherry Lemon Drop. It was a slice of magic in a martini glass that will be appearing soon as a regular item on their menu. Check it out.
Grey is really an art gallery with a bar tucked in the back. The walls are white and, for now, featuring Urban Beach Scene photos by Amy-Ellen Flatchesedmama Trefsger (if you can pronounce that, I’ll buy you a beer). You can have a glass of Randall’s liquid art and then appreciate the photos around you. A small loft area above created a cozy hideaway and also a cover for the bar downstairs. The leather bar stools faced us towards an impressive assortment of liquor that ranged from the obvious Stoli selection to the obscure Chilean pisco or Venezuelan rum. More people started to arrive and tried their luck with different cocktails asking Randall his opinions and testing his expertise. By the time we were ready to move on people had some solid stuff to say about Grey and its main man, Randall.
“…casual with a hint of pretension (but not too much!). Randall rocks and makes everyone feel like they’re in their favorite neighborhood cocktail lounge. Everyone doesn’t know your name but they could.” -Cleo
“Art and good cocktails. Great service and a tree stump for a table. (Randall!)” -Jamie.
Judgings:
Ambiance: 4 stars
Bartender: 5 stars
Bathroom: 4 stars
Next stop…Purr. At 8 o’clock on a Friday night Purr was empty. The cavernous room that is the main level was dark and probably only lit by the skylights and the last bit of sun coming in through the open front windows. A large bar takes up the right side of the room while the center area is left pretty much open for when the place fills up later in the night. We slipped right into a booth along the wall and within moments a tank-top clad server, Rusty, was over taking drink orders. Paige wanted something with blueberries and he said he’d see what could be done. Ten minutes later she was given a large glass of something BRIGHT blue and mysteriously sweet. Did it have vodka? I said I like tequila and asked what he suggested. Lack of originality resulted in a Tequila Sunrise. The bar itself is quite large but the assortment was such that they can make you the basics and whatever the cocktail of the moment might be. The drinks here are large and strong as was repeatedly commented on by our party. They don’t play around and when you pay $10 for your cocktail, it is because that pint sized glass is really 9 parts alcohol and 1 part whatever else should go in it. Had a rough day at work? Purr will heal your troubles.
(Paige’s Blue Mystery)
Megan grimaced when faced with the fact we were going to Purr and when asked to give some feedback she happily went for the gut. ”Purr is perfect for that middle aged gay man working in middle management but dreaming of Project Runway. Be sure to hit it before 11: the aroma of Clinique Happy for Men + Prada + balls that the crowd generate will make you forget all about that roofie!”
Judgings:
Ambiance: 3 stars
Bartender:Yes, good-looking but the man was slow to respond. 2 stars
Booths: 5 stars (Comfy and had copper table tops)
Name: 0 stars (“…the name is disingenuous. There should be lots of lezzies here, NOT gay men” -KV)
Maharaja: Drinking in Maharaja’s dining room, I felt like I was doing something bad. It’s a dive of an Indian restaurant with a poorly lit back room bar separated from the rest of the place by a thin curtain. Mismatched dark couches swallow people whole in their broken cushions and black leather. It was a bar in back but from the looks I doubted that mix drinks would be especially good there and I went for one of the bottled beers because they don’t have anything on tap.
Friends got dinner and sat around drinking and eating. Maharaja has cheap but “fantastic” Indian food on their menu and happy hour goes until 9 PM. You can’t beat that with a stick. People kept commenting that it was dark as hell, and we were sitting in the dining room. The employees milled about as we ate and drank and I didn’t know if they were just being attentive or were making sure that we weren’t up to no good. I felt a little guilty as I looked at them and the space we sat in. Was this establishment in such disrepair because that is how the people of Capitol Hill treated it? Did we do this to some person’s dream? Or was the Maharaja that we came to know that night exactly what the owners intended it to be, “the best bar/shady Indian restaurant in the city”? On a visit to the restroom I was fairly certain I would get mugged while in the locked little room. Toilet paper was strewn on the floor, graffiti was scrawled all the way up to the highest corners of the wallpaper. I had to rethink and decide if in the end I really did have to pee that badly and remember where I kept my knife in case I was attacked in that sketchy, sketchy ass bathroom.
In the end, if you don’t plan on peeing while out, Maharaja is the place for a beer on the cheap with absolutely no frills involved. It’s “the proverbial dive bar” which “feels miles away from America on a hot summer evening.” Cleo in particular loved the cute, old Indian men in the back.
Johnny got down his thoughts which paint a good picture of Maharaja and also Johnny’s thought patterns: “Maharaja has mellow red lighting. Heavy bass line from the music venue next door (like being there without the ear drum damage). No music here? Easy conversation. King Fisher Lager? Is this Indian? Tastes like Stella. Green bottle. Staff is very friendly but not overbearing.”
Judgings:
Ambiance: 2 Stars
Bartender: 1 Star
Bathroom: Terrifying
Old Men in Back: Priceless
^^Scary bathroom^^
Maharaja was followed by the always exiting Bimbo’s. It breaks my heart slightly to just call it Bimbo’s and drop the rest of the spectacular name that was (Bimbo’s Bitchin’ Burrito Kitchen). I tear to that. Ah, but I digress. Bimbo’s is not overflowing with space and we crammed ourselves at a couple of tables right in front. It was brightly lit and allowed our eyes to wander and take in the great Mexican wrestling pictures that adorn the wall. The crowd was laid back in tees and jeans. One Hopper commented, “There are a lot of mustaches walkin’ ’round this bar!” Maybe we weren’t hip enough, but we certainly felt right at home and free to get loud and silly. The whole crowd was buzzing with good energy and nobody could be down in that atmosphere.
A mysterious plate of free nachos appeared at the table and the Hoppers dug in to discover the deliciousness that are Doritos nachos. Thanks Bimbo’s! Pitchers were cheap ($6?) and that wasn’t even the PBR. The Bloody Mary left much to be desired. Hopper Shannon sighed, “A lot of yucky vodka. They just use Tabasco for seasoning so it’s just Tabasco and vodka. It’s not the worst but it’s far from the best.” Karen jumped in to rate her margarita, ”Eh, it’s not very good. A lot of tequila but not very good. Obviously from a machine.” Lesson learned? Bimbo’s is great for mixed drinks if you are looking for strong and might have lost all your taste-buds in a horrible shaving accident.
“Bimbo’s has great nachos and cheap Rainier. It gets way too crazy on the weekends.” – Bobby.
“Really great nachos. Also, good energy. It’s not as crowded on a Friday as you might imagine.” – Jared
-Cleo
Judgings:
Ambiance: 4 Stars
Drinks: 2 Stars
Nachos: 5 Stars
Staff: 5 Stars
Mustaches: 3.66 Stars
And then there was Moe Bar. Tucked next to Neumo’s and the new fish fry restaurant on 10th if the black front painted bar with the happy hour of which is whispered on the street. Sadly, we did not get there in time for happy hour and stumbled in much later in the night. For a Friday the crowd was not too much. Our group actually found two booths quite easily (without either group realizing that 1/2 the crowd was missing). But, that’s a whole other story. There was not battle needed to get to the long bar that took up the left side room. Other patrons were ever so chatty and we would have been fast friends if I had not had so much to drink. The bartender came over with a huge grin on his face and asked what we would like. I told him I was up for anything and asked what his favorite drink to make was. Well, he got a mischevious look in his eye and proclaimed that he had made up a drink called the Sexy Gator. Okay, we did a bad job because we did not remember what he said went in it. There was Jager on top. Something that sunk to the bottom thanks to gravity. It was green. It was magical. I tasted melon and cherries. The bartender won me over.
Other Hoppers experimented with new beers or went for the basic cocktails we’ve all grown up on. We sat back in an enormous booth and took in the room. It was dark with walls that were probably painted black. It felt cavernous with a high ceiling and dim lighting that seemed focused around the bar. It was hot outside and sitting in Moe did not help and we drank there sweating Now, I was a little tipsy, no, drunk by that point in the evening so instead of observing the space I kept asking the Hoppers for thoughts. This is what they said:
“It’s nondescript. Only come here is you are going to a show.” -Jerod
“Moe is doing it’s thing. It’s all right for me, dawg. Actually, it really feels like a karaoke version of a bar singing another bar.” – Jamie. (What?)
“It seems pretentious but it’s not. It’s very chill and we made friends at the bar. There is a wide array of customers. It’s a crowded, non-hipster bar compared to the Comet and others.” – Karen
Judgings:
Ambiance: 3 stars
Booths: 3 Stars
Bartender: 4 Stars
A/C: Oh hell no. (If it’s hot out, stay clear!)
So that wraps the first night the Hill Hoppers hit the town. Lessons learned: Randall is the man and you really should check out Grey. When it’s hot, stay clear of Moe but head over to Purr to get a large, tasty cocktail (albeit for $10). Beer and chips are all you should get at Bimbo’s and be prepared to have fun. And, don’t ever forget Maharaja. Indian food for the frugal diner and happy hour till 9 PM can’t really be beat.
Some of the Hill Hoppers (Me, Justin, Jerod, Karen, Jamie, Bobby)
JudgingKick Off!
Ahem, let me introduce us. We are the Hill Hoppers who will be going to the 50+ bars of Seattle’s Capitol Hill this spring and summer. If the establishment has a bar where we can stand and have a beer, we will be there.
Capitol Hill is overflowing with a diverse selection of watering holes and how is a girl to choose where to go when she hasn’t sampled them all? The answer: A tour of every single one. Poco Wine Room? We’ll be there. The Cuff? That’s a stop. Smith? Please. The compiled list to date is as follows (please point out any that are missing):
Sun Liquor, The Redwood, Stumbling Monk, Poco Wine Room, The Elite, Grey Gallery, Quinn’s, Honey Hole Sandwiches, Rosebud, The Saint, CHAC Lounge, Hopvine Pub, The Cuff, Summit Public House, Linda’s Tavern, Bill’s Off Broadway, The Crescent, Liberty, Clever Dunnes Irish Pub, Purr, Wildrose, Cantebury, Moe Bar, Tango’s, Hideout, Barca, Havana, The Comet Tavern, Smith, Neighbour’s, Roanoke, R Place, Kurrent, Cayenne, Cha Cha Lounge, Sole Repair, Artemis Cafe, Satellite Lounge, Bimbo’s, El Tajin, Seattle Eagle, Boom, Baltic Room, Chapel, Jake’s, King Cobra, Manray, Elysian, Mercury, The War Room, Mundos, Maharaja, and Joe Bar.
(C.C. Attle’s, Madison Pub, Chop Suey and Martin’s are on the wrong side of Madison to be Capitol Hill according to my map and anything East of 15th is not included. Sorry Monsoon, Kingfish and all those others.)
This Friday (May 16th) we are kicking it all off at Grey Gallery and Lounge at 1512 11th Ave.It’s looking like 6-ish. We hope to then stop at Purr and finally Barca.
Now, there are rules for all of this and they are as follows:
Purr (What you’d be missing this week)
